Karens Everywhere Secretly Loving Pandemic



Karens are secretly loving the pandemic, absolutely loving it. Because with it comes dozens of new rules and regulations for the public, and Karens everywhere have taken it upon themselves to police these rules, whether we need them to or not. Officious, bossy and lacking any social skills, Karens everywhere are strutting about; telling us how ‘irresponsible’ we are and the error of our ways. And telling you you’re too close; sat in the wrong place, or do not have your mask on correctly isn’t just nit-picking for Karen, she’s just saved someone’s life. Karen’s a hero.


There are only so many GP Receptionist or School Dinner lady jobs to go round, but there are Karens in every office, every road and every department store, and now they have an outlet for their delightful ‘Kareness’. Since the government has decided to create rules to micro-manage every aspect of our lives Karens everywhere have leapt into the breach, acting as self-appointed Pandemic Officers, shouting at anyone not “following zee rules”. And, of course, Karen is more clued-up on those rules than the ‘general public’. Armed with her superior knowledge, her encouragement from the government, and her own sense of superiority, Karen is constantly having to tell ordinary people exactly what to do (and what she thinks of them as an added bonus) and she’s bloody lovin’ it.


At weekends Karen will be tutting at BBC news reports of those she considers aren’t socially distancing enough at the beach. No point in trying to explain camera lenses foreshorten distance to Karen, she’s already posted her disgust on facebook. She’ll have contemplated going down their tomorrow, but decided against it. There are plenty of other opportunities for Karen to feel superior about herself, she can over-react to any number of micro infractions of these pointless rules. And does. She’ll have had the Covid-snitchline on speed dial in April, but now we are all allowed out she’s taking her battle to the street.


It should be noted that there has not been a recorded incident of a male ‘Karen’ having been spotted. Perhaps the idea of a Stasi State doesn’t appeal to men, perhaps it is something to do with HRT, or maybe they exist but just haven’t been able to get a word in edgeways yet.

Darren Birks is Editor of Vision News Online

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