top of page

CYCLE NAZIS: Why this SCOURGE Must be BANNED from Our STREETS


Always confrontational, always morally superior, there's no case for their existence, but a huge case for their outlaw.


OP-ED by Darren Birks


Every town has them, the LYCRA CLAD NAZIs who cycle on our roads with the deliberate intention of getting in our way so they can slow us down, impede our progress, and generally piss us off. All done for that little dopamine-hit they get from feeling 'morally superior' to the rest of us.


They look ridiculous.

Typically a man in his fifties, dressed head-to-foot in yellow lycra, this will inevitably be the first exercise they'll have ever done. They'll certainly never have seen the inside of a gym, the wizen arms and pot belly is testament to that. They'll readily mistake atrophy for fitness as they fool themselves into thinking they look good in an outfit that most 20 year olds couldn't pull-off.


They're antagonistic for the 'cause'.

Always confrontational, that behaviour is very much an integral part of the Cycle Nazi. That's why they'll cycle on the road when there's a perfectly good cycle track nearby, often riding two-abreast to prevent you getting past. They purposefully attempt bringing the traffic to a near standstill simply because 'they can'.


They're always a Beta-Male.

This is the act of a typical Beta-Male, the type who gets some sort of warped pleasure out of telling everyone else what to do. They'll probably be a public sector worker in local Council or NHS management, their petty behaviour already affirmed in their job and now sanctioned by government.


and 'Morally-superior'.

Alongside the ridiculous clothing and confrontational attitude comes a moral superiority that all Socialists possess. At the root of all this isn't that they have chosen to cycle, it's that you haven't. You're still driving a car and that's what really annoys the Cycle Nazi. The ultimate symbol of wealth and personal autonomy is the ultimate symbol of freedom, something Socialists have been trying to take away from us since the end of World War 2. That glare they chuck you as they go past isn't an accident.

"Global Warming 'provides a marvelous excuse for worldwide, supra-national socialism'" - Margaret Thatcher.

They'll have called for ULEZ and LTNs.

The Cycle Nazi is just another manifestation of Net Zero, and the Green Agenda. Low Traffic Neighbourhoods, 15 Minute Cities, 20 mph zones, and the dreaded ULEZ that helped turn our towns into their personal playgrounds.


They are science deniers.

Climate-grifters repeatedly claim that riding a bike is a solution to Global Warming. Greenpeace reposted this fallacy last week. Riding a bike will make no difference to global warming whatsoever. Even taking all 33 million cars off UK roads wouldn't either. CO2 in the atmosphere is currently 420ppm. Britain contributes less than two percent of that total, with transport accounting for less than 1% of that. A fraction of a fraction of a fraction. Removing 33 million cars from our roads would make no difference to the weather now or in 100 years time either, especially as China opened a new coal power station every 2.5 days in 2022 alone.


They believe the POLLUTION LIE

Likewise Cycle Nazis believe Sadiq Khan's pollution lies. They'll believe it because the villain of the piece is you, someone they already hate with a passion.


The HIGHWAY CODE

Cycle Nazis love the new highway code even if they've never actually read it. They love it because they think it gives them the powers to act like a C***. They'll cherry-pick the rules that suit them whilst ignoring the rest.


The PRIORITY fallacy.

They think that they're now at the top of the Highway Code 'road-hierarchy'. WRONG. It is the pedestrian who sits at the top, someone that no cycle-nazi gives a toss about, they're almost hated as much as the motorist by them.


The Riding TWO ABREAST fallacy.

This is the Cycle Nazi's favourite thing in the whole world, on a Saturday in every city up and down the country they're riding two abreast to slow traffic to a crawl. They claim that the new Highway Code gives them the right to impede your progress, but they're WRONG again: Rule 66 of the revised Highway Code does not say that at all. It actually states: "You should be considerate of the needs of other road users when riding in small or large groups. You can ride two abreast and it is often safer to do so, particularly in larger groups or when accompanying children or less experienced riders. Be aware of drivers behind you, allowing them to overtake (e.g. by moving into single file) when you feel it is safe to let them do so.”


The Road POSITIONING fallacy.

This is the other game favoured by the Cycle Nazi, and, as with the two abreast stunt, if challenged they'll claim that it's 'in the highway code' and that they have every right to impede your progress. WRONG yet again. The Highway Code states:


Road positioning. When riding on the roads, there are two basic road positions you should adopt, depending on the situation.


1) Ride in the centre of your lane, to make yourself as clearly visible as possible, in the following situations

  • on quiet roads or streets – if a faster vehicle comes up behind you, move to the left to enable them to overtake, if you can do so safely

  • in slower-moving traffic - when the traffic around you starts to flow more freely, move over to the left if you can do so safely so that faster vehicles behind you can overtake

  • at the approach to junctions or road narrowings where it would be unsafe for drivers to overtake you

2) When riding on busy roads, with vehicles moving faster than you, allow them to overtake where it is safe to do so whilst keeping at least 0.5 metres away, and further where it is safer, from the kerb edge. Remember that traffic on most dual carriageways moves quickly. Take extra care crossing slip roads.


Don't think we can ban the Cycle Nazi for his antisocial behaviour? Think again; if Sadiq Khan can ban men from merely looking at a woman on the London Underground we can ban Cycle Nazi,s after all, they're easy enough to spot.


Related:


205 views0 comments
bottom of page